Life's Little Hardships

It's sometimes difficult to admit that you're not happy with how your life is going, and that you're certainly not meeting even a fraction of your potential. I find myself mulling this over almost every night that I forget to take my medicine on time. 

Whether it's just chemical withdrawal, the depression the medicine controls, or actual discontent, it gnaws its way to the forefront of my thoughts.

I'm sure I'm not alone.

Being 20-something and living with your parents seems to be more common than usual in my generation. So is being 20-something and still working on your college degree. Being unemployed is probably even more common.

Being all three is just depressing.

I do have excuses. I know they're credible and hold water. I've had a myriad of problems that have kept me from following the footsteps of my former classmates and graduating on time.

I've had major depressive disorder for 6 years. Add 1 year to high school.

I developed iron-deficient anemia in my sophomore year of college and had to drop out. I lost my $16,000 scholarship as a result. A whole year spent out of school as a result. 4 months of feeling sorry for myself, 1 month of having a terrible first job experience, and 7 months of working a fairly pleasant but grueling job washing dogs.

I became anemic again this summer. Had to withdraw from a 4 credit class.

A month later I started experiencing somatic symptoms of anxiety that mimicked cardiac issues. It was an extremely stressful time for my family and I was starting an English class, which has bad memories for me. Had to withdraw from a 3 credit class.

This semester I had one class, Sculpture. I developed freakish allergies and once again... Had to withdraw from a 3 credit class.

So here I sit, at home every day.

I can't hold a job with these allergies. I don't respond to over-the-counter pills or even the prescription nasal spray I was given. I'm currently taking sublingual immunization drops to raise my immunity.

It could take up to 9 months before I see results.

I can't go to school with these allergies either.

I can't do just about anything.

I am so unhappy.

I want to move forward more than anything in the world. I cannot express it enough. ...Yet I can't.

I have had a taste of an independent life though, and I am ravenous for more.

This week it has been just me and Jon here in the house. While he works, I sleep and try to rest enough to be energized for when he comes home.

I wake, I wash, I tend to home matters... Washing the dog, scrubbing the dishes, moving the laundry, watering the plants, things that are so mundane that we often ignore. 

I enjoy every moment of it.

When he is on the way home, I lay out the ingredients for our meal. I microwave and fry and boil. I make something to the best of my ability, which is far from impressive.

Then he arrives, I finish the cooking, and we feast.

It is beautiful.

I want this. I want this life.

I want a beautiful, simple, mundane life that I can call my own, in a place that is my own.

I want to own a dog.

I want to decorate for the holidays.

I want to have a corner of a room that I can call my studio.

I want to cook dinner for a smiling and tired man.

It can't happen and won't happen as long as I don't have a job. I cannot get a job without a degree. I cannot get a degree without my health.

...and so it stays the same.

None of this matters to the glaring eyes of society.

We're expected to move out at 18, get a job, hang the degree you earned above your desk. It's just not always that simple.

It's disheartening though. It's even tougher having to explain yourself to others, or even trying to.

Until I get better, I just have to keep doing what makes me happy. It's getting harder and harder though as my definition of "happy" changes.

Does watching TV or playing video games truly make me happy? Or do I just enjoy the fact that time has passed, and I'm one little bit closer to the next day coming around? I no longer know sometimes. 

I feel like most things I do are just to fill in the void of having nothing to do. 

An idle mind leads to idle thinking.

Idle thinking leads to pondering about life.

...and then I write long blog posts, just like this.

Sometimes You Need to Slow Down...

Last week I was dissatisfied with the amount of time I spent doing unproductive things, like grinding levels on World of Warcraft, napping, and watching TV.
I really thought that setting goals for myself and trying to work harder would help me be more productive.

You know what?
I was wrong.
Turns out that pushing myself did absolutely nothing, because I was fighting against forces that are simply unbeatable.

When Thursday came around, I managed to get significant work done in Ceramics. At the end of the day however, Jon came and picked me up and everything hit me at once. I was exhausted emotionally, physically, everything.
I was way too relieved to have a shoulder to lean on, and didn't bother doing anything. For once this week I felt like I could just let go.
Even so, the weekend nights were filled with nightmares, 4am wake-ups, and lying awake while my entire body ached. At least two nights I had to repeat my waffle adventure in the middle of the night, because my limbs and muscles hurt for no reason and I'm unable to take an Advil on an empty stomach.
(Last time I had Advil on an empty stomach, I threw up at a family friend's day-after-the-wedding party... into a garbage can right in front of the bride and groom. Not fun at all.)
I managed to spend about an hour and a half on Saturday glazing a shot glass set, but I didn't realize that the school closed at 5pm on Saturday so I had to leave early. Other than that, I didn't really do anything of any significance.

Many people don't realize that stress isn't just an uncomfortable feeling.
Stress is a monster hiding beneath an emotion... Something that affects you emotionally, physically, and mentally.
Only now do I really realize that my recent lack of productivity had nothing to do with laziness, but just me trying to cope with the immense amount of stress I'm facing right now...
...And now that my stress is starting to manifest itself in nightmares, body aches, and lack of sleep, I'm okay with not being as productive as I used to be.
I'm doing the best I can under the current circumstances I'm facing.

What could possibly be stressing out a part-time, unemployed community college student?
I'll try to list off a few causes.

• I will be in school for AT LEAST 4 MORE YEARS if I want to become a vet tech. As if that isn't stressful enough...
• I don't know which schools I'll be going to after I get my Associates of General Studies
• Only certain schools offer American Veterinary Medical Association certified degrees (one is required in most states)
• I'm graduating with my Associates of General Studies at the end of Fall 2013. Jon graduates with his Bachelors in Criminal Justice at the end of Summer 2013. What Jon is going to do during Fall 2013 while I'm finishing my degree is up in the air. If his summer internship...
• ...leads to a job, then he will need housing. My house is a zoo, and probably would not be a suitable place for him to get the rest needed for a criminal justice job. Apartments in the area are expensive as hell though.
• ...doesn't lead to a job, he'll probably have to get a different job here or in Delaware, meaning we're...
• ...either not seeing each other for about three months.
• ...back to the housing issue.
• FAMILIAL ISSUES. Nuclear family, outside family, you name it. I can't go into detail because I have to respect the privacy of my family, but basically things are absolutely maddening. I feel the need to move out, but...
• ...I'm not graduating until Fall 2013, so that's more time stuck at home
• ...Apartments here are expensive, remember?
• ...OH YEAH, I don't have a driver's license yet, so even if I wanted to get away for a DAY, I can't.
• My YouTube and Etsy aren't making money like they used to. I also don't have the time for a job without sacrificing my schoolwork. Jon doesn't have a job either. We're a young, broke couple basically.
• I've gotten attached to dog from Bully Breed Rescue, and it's saddening me horribly that I have pretty much a 0% chance of moving out in time to adopt this dog.
• I have no job and apartments are EXPENSIVE here, remember?
• He has to be an only dog, so even if by some insane miracle my parents offered to adopt the dog for me until I move out, they wouldn't be able to... because we have a dog.

To make a long story short, nothing is certain, I'm trapped in a place I no longer want to be, doing things I no longer want to do, and not doing things that I wish I could do but can't.

It's taken such a toll on me that I think it's honestly best if I just keep doing what I'm doing, because for now that's good enough. No productivity week, no goals other than just getting to school, doing my work, making a new video every time an event hits, and bringing home good grades.
It's good enough.

Productivity Week: Day 2 - Ceramics and Derp

Leave it to me to let my stress spin out of control.

Last night I went to bed at 1:30am, only to toss and turn until 3:30am. I was cold, stressed, and hungry, so I did what any sensible person would do...

I made myself a waffle.

Aaand then I proceeded to do something a sensible person WOULDN'T do, such as searching the web for apartments, colleges, and job requirements.

Needless to say, I didn't get back to sleep until 5am, but not until I had a sparring of words with my dad before he left for work. He basically told me that I'm aiming too low in my career choice and that I'll never be able to live off of the wage it pays.

(I've decided I want to be a vet technician after the realization that if I don't do something involving animals, I'll be shooting myself in the foot because I won't be following my passion. But that's a DIFFERENT story.)

Imagine not being able to sleep because of stress, and then being told you're pretty much going to be baggage to your boyfriend because of your low yearly wages. 

THANKS DAD.

Well, enough of me bitching and griping about the future and all the stress that comes with moving towards it.

IT'S TIME TO TALK PRODUCTIVITY.

Tuesdays and Thursdays are my busy days, so I don't really have much time or strength to do things outside of class itself. Because of this, I tried to get as much done in Ceramics class as humanly possible. Unfortunately my teacher, Joe, didn't fire up the kiln since last Thursday, so I didn't get to glaze anything new. Ah well, he started it up today, and I'll have 10 new things to glaze on Thursday!

Here is what I did today:

• Made two pinch pots
• Made two more poison mushrooms (one "replacement" in case the other comes out wrong, and a mini mushroom)
• Made an oddly shaped vase, kind of like a triangular cylinder thing with a stretched top and weird texture (it's hard to explain, blah)
• Started my slab project, which I'll talk about more in another post... It's going to be something special!

After Ceramics, I had to read for my next class, Individuals in Society. The book is called Disposable People, and it's probably one of the most depressing books I've ever read.

Basically put, it's a book exposing modern day slavery by giving examples, retelling the experiences of the author on his mission to gather information to write the book, and explaining all the different motivating factors behind each country's system of slavery. 

I haven't even finished the book half way, and I already find it nauseating.

Apparently in the hilly northern regions of Thailand, families sell their daughters into prostitution so they can afford a color TV.

This, of course, is not seen as immoral to their families, because of religious and cultural attitudes towards women there. According to their form of Buddhism, if you are born a woman, you have sinned badly in your past life. Not only that, but you have to repay your parents for birthing you. In some cases, this means being sent to be a sexual slave in the city.

Terrifying stuff.

Anyway, I struggled through the book for an hour and a half, and then went to class.

I somehow managed to get a solid A on my essay, which I literally wrote the day before it was due, and the day of. 

(I know I'm a slacker, but hey, I got a damn A.)

At 7pm I finally arrived at home, had some dinner, and officially shut my brain off. I watched mindless television for about three hours rather than do anything useful. (Seinfeld, Hell's Kitchen, and Unusual Suspects, if you really need to know.)

Maybe not the best end to a day that's supposed to be part of a "Productivity Week," but taking into account that I'm sleep deprived and stressed out of my mind, I don't think it's half bad.

Anyway, it's time to go do my Art Appreciation homework before I pass out.

Let's hope the kiln opens tomorrow!

College, Why Do You Hate Me So?

What a way to kick off the new year...

I've been very busy. It doesn't seem very evident to you all since all you are witnessing is a complete lack of updates... but I have been busy... and very unfortunate.

December was insane at my place of work. Just to give you an idea of how busy the grooming department was, my paycheck was twice that of a usual 2-week period. I was a dog-scrubbing maniac.
December 22, I had an accident at work. I was carrying a small dog to the play area, and I managed to slam my other hand in a big, heavy door. My middle finger and index finger were both hurt, with my middle finger getting a diagonal cut just from the force of the door itself. I ended up dripping blood everywhere and bruising both nailbeds and my finger bone. Needless to say, I couldn't work for the rest of the day and the day before Christmas Eve. I lost the oppurtunity to make around $100 or so, which was extremely upsetting.
Christmas Eve, I got sick with a cold. By the 27th I was feeling pretty much better, and was back at work. Things were slow, but it felt good just to be making money again.
On the 30th I went to Delaware to visit Jon for New Year's. Every year he has a New Year's Eve party with his friends, and we end up eating lots of food, watching tons of movies, and just generally having a good time. We watched the first 3 Star Wars movies, which was great because I don't know squat about it. (I never had any friends who were into it, so I never saw any of the movies.)
Sure enough though, something had to go wrong. I GOT SICK AGAIN. This time I was coughing up a storm, and keeping poor Jon up at night.
I came home on the 3rd, worked on the 4th (all the while being dizzy and completely out of it), and then took a day off on the 5th because of my unchanging state of sickness.

Now for the kicker.
I called my local community college today to see if they got my college and highschool transcripts. I need both of them in before I can sign up for classes, which start on Jan 20th.
NEITHER PLACE HAS SENT THEIR TRANSCRIPTS.
I requested my transcripts early and mid DECEMBER.

I feel like curling up in a ball and hiding in bed.

I just want to go to college and get it out of the way so I can someday move out of my parents' house... so I can pay the rent, make more than $10/hr, have a future together with my boyfriend. Is that so much to ask?
Apparently it is too much to ask, and these damnable people with their comfortable college employee jobs are just sitting, high on life and raking in the dough while not doing what they're being paid to do.
As someone who slaves away at work, always comes in on time and tries to make an honest living, I feel so defeated and frustrated.

All I can do for now is call them and leave them messages, since nobody there ever picks up the phone... and just hope for the best... please...

YOU'RE FIRED!

Sooo, yeah. I got fired yesterday.
BY TEXT.
(Technology, what have you done? People don't even have the decency to call anymore.)

I could rant about how bad the management was there, how they are technically breaking laws, and how that job was close to being slave labor... but I would end up ranting for ages.

Let's just sum up everything to some life lessons I have learned...

1) Ask more questions about a job before you sign anything.
If I had known that I would be mopping floors until 1am whenever I had the closing shift, I wouldn't have taken the job. Heck, I wish they would have at least told me I was going to be a janitor. Looking back now, I probably should have asked what exactly the job entailed before signing all the necessary papers. Because I didn't ask, I got stuck doing backbreaking work nearly nonstop for 7-9 hour shifts for minimum wage... I could have just been sitting on my butt and managing phone calls and appointments as a receptionist somewhere, to the sweet tune of $12 an hour. Instead I was on my feet all day, cleaning sticky yogurt and toppings.

2) Stupid people don't like it when you make them look stupid... especially when that person is your manager.
I'm going to be blunt... my manager was an idiot. The very first weekend I worked, he changed my shift without notifying me, and proceeded to blame me when I didn't show up. This led to him being scolded at our employee meeting by the owner himself. You see, the manager was supposed to email us the schedule every single time there was an edit made. He didn't do that, and the owner embarrassed him in front of all of us by telling us it was "his mistake" and to do that next time. I believe this was the beginning of his grudge against me. When I tried to take a sick day and he accused me of all these crazy things, like not working for two days the previous week, and calling "every day" to take a day off (neither of which were true at all), I emailed the owner to clear up any problems. That must have embarrassed him again, seeing that he probably was getting his own employees mixed up. Pointing out discrepancies between what he said about breaks and the Employee Handbook was probably the last straw. People just don't like being wrong, and I guess being upstaged by someone more than ten years younger than you AND someone lower on the employee ladder probably led to some anger.

3) Customer service is the key to success, and good tips.
During my short employment, I was astounded how much a good attitude could affect the behavior of your customers. If you took the time to explain how the shop worked to new customers, greet them as they approached the register, and told them to "have a nice day" after their transaction, they were a lot more likely to leave tips. They also were more likely to return, recognize you the next time, and even talk to you while you were getting them their change. Incredibly enough, neither the owner or manager cared about customer service. They were more focused on cleanliness and how much money they made. After a lot of observation though, it was easy to see the difference in behavior between the customers who interacted with a bored cashier, and those that I was tending to. Making the kids happy was the most important part. Kids are sometimes intimidated by people who are older than them. If you can break down that barrier by asking them what flavor they got, commenting on their stack of gummi worm toppings, or just being nice, they start gaining an attachment to the store. One kid whose family I had spoken to on a few occasions exclaimed to me that he was at the store 4 times already, and it was his favorite place. Customer service really is where the money lies, not in having the store spot-free.

At least I learned something from being fired, haha.

Back to looking for jobs... and hey, at least I have cashiering experience now. That'll hopefully open up some more avenues of employment.

In other news, I'm going to Delaware to visit Jon tomorrow!
Hey, it's not like I have to worry about a work schedule anymore, right?
This is exactly what I needed... a nice, relaxing break with my favorite person in the world! <3
Definitely looking forward to it.

Until next time!

Ribbit, Zibbet...

Well, I got my Etsy bill in my email this weekend, and I'm not too happy.
Another $3.20 of renewal fees, whoop-dee-doo.
I'm coming close to breaking even with profits/listing fees.

Soooo, I finally decided to give in and make a Zibbet.
What's a Zibbet?
Exactly. I had no idea until a little while ago.

Zibbet is basically Etsy's little cousin.
It's the same thing as Etsy, but they make money differently.
Rather than collect listing fees and a cut of your profits, they limit your features and allow only 50 items per shop... that is, until you pay $10 a month for full benefits.
Honestly, I don't freaking need to make my profile and shop fancy, so I could care less about the premium program.

So yeah.
I'm still on Etsy... but heck, if somebody finds my shop on Zibbet and buys something, I will be a happy, happy person.
I just want to craft without a hole in my pocket, y'know?

Hop on over to my Ribbit... I mean, Zibbet shop.
(I haven't listed all my stuff yet because I'm tired... but they'll be up there soon enough.)

Productivity Week - Day 3

Okay, so Day 3 was yesterday.
Yesterday was pretty busy and stupid at the same time, but I did get a little bit done in terms of the list. I also made some strides on a more personal level.

I woke up at 11am, don't ask why. I don't have a clue either.
I had a 1:45pm appointment with my psychiatrist, so I had breakfast... err, lunch... brunch.... yeah, and got washed up and ready to leave.
My psychiatrist appointment went really well.
No, I'm not crazy.

I've been seeing a psychiatrist since I was 16, when I got tested for a multitude of learning disabilities and my IQ after complaining of having trouble at school.
I initially was diagnosed with pretty intense ADHD, inattentive type. I was referred to psychiatrist for both therapy and medication, but within a month I was sent to the hospital for a heart ultrasound. Needless to say, ADD meds did not get along with me, and did some crazy things to my heart rate. The chest pains were pretty bad too.
About a month or two later it was apparent that my problems were worse that imagined... I had severe major depressive disorder, the fancy name for depression. Therapy and psychiatrist visits became more frequent, I had to take and test a lot of medications, I had a brief stint in a psychiatric hospital, blah blah blah.
Eventually my psychiatrist retired, but he felt horrible for not being able to cure me. I was referred to a new and younger female psychiatrist, and she had an idea to try a medication that tackled two different neurotransmitters. During the summer of 2008, I was finally cured.
Of course, having lived a portion of your life with depression still has some lasting effects.
My life's timeline often confuses me because your mind simply deals with memory differently when you're depressed. You remember a lot of the horrible things, but can't remember any good things. You still have lingering emotions that emerge when reminded of the past. Most of all, it's hard to figure out who you truly are when you find yourself again.

I see my psychiatrist a lot less often now, only once every two weeks. She is more of a mentor now, and I look to her for advice regarding my troubles in life. She's the one who has really pushed me to find a job, and this week was no different.
This past month we have been working on two things: reducing my medication, and figuring out what is holding me back from moving forward.
I've dropped my medication from 250mg to 200mg, and am going to now reduce it slowly over the next two weeks to 150mg. There have been no adverse affects, so I'm delighted that I might be able to live without medicine. I've been taking the same medicine for 3 years, and I'm glad to see that something has changed in me.
We also had a long talk yesterday about why I am so hesitant to get a job and move forward in my life.
A lot of people think psychiatry is bullshit, but they really know how to bring out emotions that you subconsciously have buried in the back of your mind. They ask tough questions you've never thought to ask yourself.
Through talking I realized that the thing holding me back is an intense fear of failure.
After dealing with depression and problems in school and college, I really am scared of not being good enough. I'm scared of not living up to my parents' expectations, and embarrassed in front of my friends, family, and peers.
The worst part is that the more I fail, the more I start to believe I'm a failure. That makes me feel like my only option is to give up.
The thing is, I WANT to move forward in life. It's like two sides constantly warring...
If I put myself out there, get a job, go to work, there is a chance that I'll be happy and successful. There's still that fear of doing horribly and getting fired, though. I've failed in the past, haven't I? That's what my mind keeps saying...
So this week I have to really try and shut out those doubts. I need to try instead of saying that I will try, and putting it off because of fear.

I came back home at 3pm, feeling better having been able to uncover that fear. I vowed to face that fear... later in the day. At least it wasn't later in the week.

I hopped on World of Warcrack... err, Warcraft, to test out the latest patch release.
It was a lot of fun, and we were on the second to last boss in the new Zul'Aman dungeon when we all got disconnected.
When all my group members logged back on, to our horror we were no longer in a party together, meaning we would be kicked out of the dungeon.
A lot of swearing took place, and we all dejectedly said goodbye to each other knowing that we had done a huge portion of that dungeon all for nothing.
I managed to leave with a shiny new piece of wrist armor and a ring, but the other people weren't as lucky.
That was the end of my little gaming break.

At about 6:30pm I finally decided to keep to my word, and I checked Craigslist for local jobs.
I have to admit, I had a bit of a panic attack.
All of the jobs had an experience requirement, a degree requirement, or just were jobs that I wouldn't ever want to do, like line cook or telemarketer.
In my panic I realized that I didn't have a resume. Thankfully Jon sent me his, which I used for a template to make my own. (Thank you Jon! <3)
I managed to find two jobs to apply to: a local part-time nanny job, and Crumbs Bakery.
I submitted my resume, and am awaiting a reply. Yay!
So that's 4 jobs that I've applied to... Gamestop, Barnes & Noble, Crumbs, and a nanny.
Let's hope I hear back from someone soon...

So that's about all for Day 3.

Productivity Week - Day 2

Being productive isn't very easy this week...

I woke up at about 9:30am this morning, and was feeling pretty zombie-like.
I had an 11:20am doctor's appointment, so went and got washed up, had breakfast, and listened to music during the 20 min drive.
The appointment went well, and we got out at about 12:25pm. From there we went immediately to my sister's school to pick her up, then back home.

Let me tell you... today was BEAUTIFUL outside.
It was a comfortable, sunny 78 degree Fahrenheit day, so I decided that today would be perfect for taking photos.
I photographed all of my new clay items except for the snocones, which needed another layer of glaze. (I'm still unsure if it'll work, or start another chemical reaction over time... It seems to be working, but who knows how it'll be the next morning.)

By the time I was done taking photos, I was exhausted from the bright sun, heat, and just being awake.
I plopped down on the bed downstairs at about 2:30pm, and took a nap...
...only to wake up at 6:30pm.
You can just imagine my dismay when I found out I had slept 4 hours of the day away. (Too many unintentional rhymes, ahh!)
After spending some time with my family, I ran downstairs to my laptop and began the tedious process of posting things on Etsy.

You can see the new listings over at my Etsy shop right now!

Mmm, delicious!

That just about wraps up Day 2 of Productivity Week.

Got another doctor's appointment tomorrow, so probably won't be accomplishing anything major tomorrow either. 

Ah well, such is life.

Productivity Week - Day 1

Well, it's REALLY been getting to me that I basically do nothing all day. Obviously complaining about it isn't going to do me any good, so I've decided to push myself to be productive this week. In a way I'm testing the waters by trying different things, and in a way I'm just trying to prevent myself from feeling any more useless.

So! Today was the first day of my Productivity Week.
I didn't do too much today, but at least I got something done.
My day started out with having to drop Jon back off at UNH, so by the time we made it home, it was about 11am.
I only got about 6 hours of sleep last night because my crazy and restless mind wouldn't stop its nonstop train of thoughts, keeping me from falling asleep for a while. As a result, I was dead tired when I got home. I tried to stay awake as long as possible, but ended up passing out until 2:30pm.
When I woke up I immediately set up my laptop to play music, and got to work on something I've been putting off for a while... glazing my latest batch of clay goodness.

Glazing seems simple, but it's really a pain in the rear.
You paint the glaze on one side of the clay piece, put it down, wait for it to dry, flip it over, glaze the other side, wait some more... and usually you have to put a second coat on, or fill in parts that you might have missed.
In other words, it's time consuming, and best to do when you have a lot of things to glaze. That way you glaze a bit of one piece, move to the next, and just continually rotate through all of them until they're finished being coated.
Unfortunately I was a bit impatient, and got myself in a few... sticky situations. (Pun totally intended.)
I flipped over pieces that weren't completely dry, had to glaze over a few fingerprints from touching wet glaze, and basically had glaze-coated thumbs by the end of it all.

Overall, everything came out okay except for my snowcone earrings.
I tried glazing the tops of the earrings and dipping them in salt for realism, but it seems that the salt and glaze had some weird chemical reaction rather than dry together.
The glaze is now cracking off and has become greasy. Definitely not good.
Unless I can get some glaze on top of the layer of glaze/salt mix and get it to dry, they're most likely not going in the shop.

At 8pm I was finally done. (I had spent some time talking to my boyfriend as well, so I really wasn't working for 6 hours straight... that would be brainmelting.)

So that's about it for today.
Some other things on my list for this week...

Things I NEED to do:

- Look at Craigslist to find some possible jobs
- Photograph new clay items and Jon's LOST DVD sets
- Post LOST DVD sets on Ebay
- Post clay items on Etsy
- Try drawing on paper again
- Hook up tablet and try drawing on the computer again

Things I WANT to do:
- Go through old notebooks to find drawings to edit on the computer
- Try to make sprites for a plant for Creatures 3
- Try making larger clay pieces
- Make something for next month's April's Army charity sale
- Post my daily progress on this blog! DERP!

That's all for now. Sleepy time for Maddie...

Brutal Honesty

Okay, I'm going to be horribly and brutally honest right now.
I am a lazy fuck.
Am I proud of it? Hell no.
There's something slightly disturbing about the fact that I can be completely content sitting in front of a computer just about all day, browsing the web, screwing around with Creatures 3, and playing computer games.
Am I going to do something about it?
I try, but nothing ever seems to stick.

This weekend I'm finally going to turn in my job applications to Gamestop and Barnes & Noble. I've been putting it off because I don't want to go to the mall for 5 minutes just to drop off the apps. Since I can't drive, I'd probably be dragged off to a million other stores with my mom anyway.
That's something else I've been putting off... getting my license.
I kind of get the feeling that I'll have to run a lot of errands for the family if I get my license... once again, I'm lazy.

I have to figure out what the hell motivates me.
I'm getting sick of my complacency with my current lifestyle.

I guess I'm going to force myself to work on some clay things today. I made a sale on April 6th, and that made me incredibly happy.
Maybe if I work a bit more I can get another, and that happiness will motivate me to work harder?
I hope that logic works.

The Etsy Shop is HERE!

The h e l l o . i n t e r l o p e r Etsy.com shop is finally here!


Yep, after lots of struggling, procrastination, whining, and an little bit of actual hard work, the Etsy.com shop is finally open!

Currently we are selling small charms and necklaces made by yours truly, Maddie!
We also have necklaces made by my young-at-heart mother, Hanna!

There is, of course, more to come in the future.
I currently have eight more charms in the works, and my mom just discovered a massive stash of beads that she forgot she even had.

Check it out for yourself by clicking the "Etsy Shop" link near the top of this page, send some links to your friends and family, stick pieces of paper with the shop's link in the back pockets of random people!
Okay, maybe not the last suggestion...

Here's to the hopeful start of a new business opportunity!

Life Drags on By... Like a Dead Person!

Things have been pretty much staying the same...
...which is pretty bad all around.

Busy, Busy, Busy...

Wow, I have been having one rough week.

I've got a bid!

Somebody bid on my Art Commission! I'm so excited.
Even though I'll only make a dollar, it's a start.
This is my first paid art commission ever, and hopefully this will help me get a good reputation, possibly leading to larger sums of money paid.
Doing a five dollar commission someday would be amazing.

I know what you may be thinking...
You can find a dollar on the street, is it really worth drawing something for such a small amount of money?
Well yes, it is.
It's not even all about the money.
Knowing that somebody is willing to pay for your art is extremely rewarding.
It helps boost my self-esteem, and motivates me to work harder!

Here's to hoping for a bright commission-filled summer!

A Little Bit of Good, A Little Bit of Bad

Things haven't been amazing for me lately, but I guess you could say that things haven't been bad...

Financial Woes and Polymer Clay

As you might have noticed at the top of this page, I'm planning to open an Etsy Shop...