Work and Sleep and Not Feeling Well: Day 8

Yeah, this isn't happening.

After a week of being in a cat-ified environment, I can no longer handle my allergies.

I slept most of the day today, from 1:30am-5:30am, then 9:30am-7:15pm.

My face feels like it's going to freaking explode. I've had "Wal-dryl" (generic Benedryl), Advil, Advil Cold & Sinus... Absolutely nothing is helping me beat this.

As a result, I've been sluggish, in pain, and tired. I don't have time to write blog posts, and even when I do, it's not like I have anything to talk about. I just haven't been working as much as I should.

Guess I'll just share what I've managed to get done these past few days.

Woof?

I managed to work a little more on the pit bull. He now has eyes and ears, so I baked him (successfully) to preserve the work I've done so far. He still needs his face worked on since his muzzle isn't where I want it to be.

Bracelets, oh my!

I've also been beading a little bit in front of the TV. I feel like I need a lot more concentration and focus for sculpting, and since I've been feeling so crappy, I've just been trying to do what I can.

The plastic white pony beads are actually UV beads, which will show color when put in sunlight.

The army grows...

The top left UV beads are blue, top right UV beads are purple, bottom left UV beads are orange, and bottom right UV beads are purple/yellow/purple.

I'm going to try my best to do what I can while I'm here, but it's apparent that I can't be around cats... and Jon's house is contaminated with kitty allergens.

Bah, life never gets easy, does it?

Work & Play on Vacay: Day 4 + 5

I was busy/lazy/whatever these past two days, so I didn't have time to type up a blog post.

Time to catch up on what's been going on...

DAY 4!

I tried to move my sleep schedule back on track, so I asked Jon to wake me at 1:30pm.

That didn't exactly work out... I was too tired and ended up staying in bed for another half hour until 2pm.

Curse you and your persistence, winter!

Everything was blanketed in snow when I looked out the window, which was a real bummer. We still wanted to go and have a nice day, so I hopped into the shower to get ready.

Hilariously, while I was showering the power decided to go out. It was extremely windy out, so it wasn't that unexpected. Thankfully I was right at the end of my shower, so I just rinsed a little more and got changed.

At 3:00pm we left to go get lunch at Chick-fil-A and grab some Rita's. As usual, it was absolutely delicious.

Guava ice with vanilla custard. PURE BLISS.

I was extremely tired when we got back, and surprisingly Jon was too. We were pretty lazy for the rest of the day. I'm not 100% sure, but I think we just sat around and watched TV, and Jon played video games while I looked at sofubi toys on the internet. I honestly can't even remember.

That night I was exhausted and retired to bed early around 10:30pm. Unfortunately I didn't end up sleeping for very long, and awoke at 1:30am having to pee. That somehow woke me up, and I hopelessly got up to try and get myself tired again.

I ended up finally cracking open the journal I bought at Michael's Craft Store and writing a few pages about my life as it currently stands... A kind of "snapshot" into my life so one day I can look back and have an idea of who I was, and what my opinions on things were at the time.

After writing a bit, I mindlessly watched CNN (not sure if it was the global CNN or they just have the global CNN people at night) while browsing my phone for designer toy goodness. I finally went to sleep around 6:00am.

DAY 5!

I had asked Jon to wake me at 12:00am, but when I woke up I begged for another half hour... So it was 12:30am when I finally awoke.

I'm also starting to think that the cat allergies are finally catching up to me.

I was so exhausted and achey that it took me forever to convince myself to dunk my head in the sink and wash my hair. (I shower every other day, it's actually better for you.)

Once we were all ready, we left to go grab some food at the super market.

As expected, we left with very little food, and more cheese snacks than I know what to do with.

We also swung by Chick-fil-A for some nuggets, because they're too damn good.

I had a very blue lollipop afterwards, and I swear that I have eyebrows under that hat.

Jon and I watched some TV for a little while before he left to go see one of his friends in neighboring New Jersey. 

Being the weak person I am, I took the opportunity to take a much-needed nap. I lay down at around 6:30pm, only to wake up at 10:50pm hungry, thirsty, and confused.

I went upstairs and made myself some chicken tenders (I'm eating a ton of chicken down here in Delaware, haha) while being stared at for 50 min straight by Jon's cat, Bandit.

After preparing and eating my second chicken meal of the day, I decided to get some actual work done.

Working on the body and thighs!

Everything started out pretty well. I decided to scrap the wire armature of the thighs in favor for aluminum foil.

Once I was done building up the body and smoothing the clay, I popped Stolas into the oven and...

NOOOOO!

...his head didn't make it.

The styrofoam changed shape and the warping seemed to disrupt the clay enough for it to crack.

I tried to fix it but...

Nope, not happening.

...the pieces were much too warped and bent to fit back together. Oh well.

Guess my next course of action is to remake the head on an aluminum foil base.

On the bright side, I started playing around with a vinyl blank. Going to turn this hippo into a pit bull and hopefully auction it off for Bully Breed Rescue once it's finished!

Not much, but it's a start.

It wasn't until around 4:00am or so that I started getting tired and went to bed.

So much for fixing up my sleep schedule.

Life's Little Hardships

It's sometimes difficult to admit that you're not happy with how your life is going, and that you're certainly not meeting even a fraction of your potential. I find myself mulling this over almost every night that I forget to take my medicine on time. 

Whether it's just chemical withdrawal, the depression the medicine controls, or actual discontent, it gnaws its way to the forefront of my thoughts.

I'm sure I'm not alone.

Being 20-something and living with your parents seems to be more common than usual in my generation. So is being 20-something and still working on your college degree. Being unemployed is probably even more common.

Being all three is just depressing.

I do have excuses. I know they're credible and hold water. I've had a myriad of problems that have kept me from following the footsteps of my former classmates and graduating on time.

I've had major depressive disorder for 6 years. Add 1 year to high school.

I developed iron-deficient anemia in my sophomore year of college and had to drop out. I lost my $16,000 scholarship as a result. A whole year spent out of school as a result. 4 months of feeling sorry for myself, 1 month of having a terrible first job experience, and 7 months of working a fairly pleasant but grueling job washing dogs.

I became anemic again this summer. Had to withdraw from a 4 credit class.

A month later I started experiencing somatic symptoms of anxiety that mimicked cardiac issues. It was an extremely stressful time for my family and I was starting an English class, which has bad memories for me. Had to withdraw from a 3 credit class.

This semester I had one class, Sculpture. I developed freakish allergies and once again... Had to withdraw from a 3 credit class.

So here I sit, at home every day.

I can't hold a job with these allergies. I don't respond to over-the-counter pills or even the prescription nasal spray I was given. I'm currently taking sublingual immunization drops to raise my immunity.

It could take up to 9 months before I see results.

I can't go to school with these allergies either.

I can't do just about anything.

I am so unhappy.

I want to move forward more than anything in the world. I cannot express it enough. ...Yet I can't.

I have had a taste of an independent life though, and I am ravenous for more.

This week it has been just me and Jon here in the house. While he works, I sleep and try to rest enough to be energized for when he comes home.

I wake, I wash, I tend to home matters... Washing the dog, scrubbing the dishes, moving the laundry, watering the plants, things that are so mundane that we often ignore. 

I enjoy every moment of it.

When he is on the way home, I lay out the ingredients for our meal. I microwave and fry and boil. I make something to the best of my ability, which is far from impressive.

Then he arrives, I finish the cooking, and we feast.

It is beautiful.

I want this. I want this life.

I want a beautiful, simple, mundane life that I can call my own, in a place that is my own.

I want to own a dog.

I want to decorate for the holidays.

I want to have a corner of a room that I can call my studio.

I want to cook dinner for a smiling and tired man.

It can't happen and won't happen as long as I don't have a job. I cannot get a job without a degree. I cannot get a degree without my health.

...and so it stays the same.

None of this matters to the glaring eyes of society.

We're expected to move out at 18, get a job, hang the degree you earned above your desk. It's just not always that simple.

It's disheartening though. It's even tougher having to explain yourself to others, or even trying to.

Until I get better, I just have to keep doing what makes me happy. It's getting harder and harder though as my definition of "happy" changes.

Does watching TV or playing video games truly make me happy? Or do I just enjoy the fact that time has passed, and I'm one little bit closer to the next day coming around? I no longer know sometimes. 

I feel like most things I do are just to fill in the void of having nothing to do. 

An idle mind leads to idle thinking.

Idle thinking leads to pondering about life.

...and then I write long blog posts, just like this.

The Agony is Almost Over

The end is finally in sight!

Wednesday will be judgement day, aka my allergy test. I'll finally know what on earth I'm allergic to and what's causing all of this agony.

Yes... Agony. 

I've been in so much pain these last few days because I've been ordered to be off all antihistamines until the test. No nasal spray, no Benadryl (which has also been helping me get to sleep), no Advil Cold & Sinus...

Things have been bad enough WITH medicine, but without has been filled with nothing but awful facial pain.

Not only do I have sinus pressure below and above my eyes now, but also my upper jaw hurts like it's been punched, or like I walked headlong into a wall.

Now not to get all girly on you all, but there has been another side effect of this sinus saga...

Damn. Dark. Circles.

I haven't been able to leave the house often anyway, but the few days that I actually haven't been feeling like death, I've been LOOKING like death. Covering up the deep, sunken black semi-circles under my eyes has been a pain.

Pre-makeup and post-makeup... Not a 100% fix, but better than nothing. It's either fix the eyes a little, or risk looking like a clown.

To make a long blog-post short, I just can't wait for this hell to be over. Life with facial pain is a very miserable life indeed. I've already missed so many classes, a birthday party for an old high school friend of mine, and a Bully Breed Rescue event due to this crap. 

It's time for it to stop.

Hiatus until further notice

I've been struggling really badly with my newfangled allergies, and it's clear that I can't keep up with my regular duties of updating the blog and YouTube page while they go untreated. I'm currently also working on two major projects, one for my sculpture class (due the 22nd) and the other preparing for a charity event where we'll be selling clay jewelry to benefit Bully Breed Rescue.

I'll be only making small updates like posting to Instagram until further notice. You can follow me on Facebook for all the latest updates and to be the first to know when my videos will be back. (Just search "Hello Interloper"!)

We'll be back soon!

Allergies. WHY.

Over the past two... okay, maybe three... weeks, I've been absolutely miserable.
It seems that my sinuses have decided to rebel against me, and cause me great discomfort. By that, I mean stabbing pain above my eyes, below my eyes... Basically, my face has been killing me, somewhat like if I inhaled acidic Jell-O.
I've been trying to medicate myself with Advil Cold & Sinus (that's the serious stuff, the one you need to show an ID for) but for the most part it's been only a temporary relief that also knocks me out for a few hours. Not exactly the perfect fix.

It was last week that I finally threw my hands up and decided that this needed professional attention.
I showed up at our local medical center, which is basically a giant building next to a hospital that houses just about every damn specialist you could ever be needing.
My specialist? "Ear, Throat, and Nose."
Or maybe it was Sinus instead of Nose.
Whatever.

It was then that I became acquainted with THIS thing...

Yes, that is a giant metal rod.

A giant metal rod that goes up your nose.

WITH A CAMERA.

Let me tell you, that was the oddest sensation. Imagine being on the brink of sneezing for about a minute.

It was kind of like that, except I did actually sneeze... Not with that thing up my nose though, I had to raise my hand to alert the doctor, at which point she removed it and I sneezed.

Anyway, the moment she stuck that metal nose probe up my nostril and into my sinus, her first reaction was, "Oh... You look REALLY allergic."
Allergic.
THIS WAS DAMN ALLERGIES ALL ALONG.
All the pain, the headaches, the throbbing, the clogged airways... ALLERGIES.
I don't HAVE allergies.
I'm allergic to mold and cats, and that's about it. No trees, no pollen, nothing.
Despite what an allergy test said a decade ago, I'm apparently severely allergic to something, and it's causing really bad inflammation of my sinus tissue.

In two weeks I'm going back to get a full battery of allergy tests done, because apparently you can suddenly become allergic to something you've never had a reaction to before, and I think this is what has happened to me.
I've lived relatively allergy-free for the past 13 or so years since we gave back our cat. (We got a hairless cat thinking it wouldn't trigger allergies... only to find out that it's cat SPIT I'm allergic to, and hairless cats lick themselves more. Go figure, huh?)
It's annoying to think there might be something else I have to avoid, but I guess that I just will have to suck it up.

Until next time... for now, I'll be taking some weird-smelling prescription nasal spray that doesn't seem to do anything, and waiting for my test date.

Productivity Week: Day 3 - Allergies and Sleep

I got up early at 8:15am today to get ready for my 10am class, Art Appreciation.

Let me tell you... that class is the WORST.

I love art. I love making things, being creative, and seeing other people's work. This class, however, is the most annoying bombardment of useless information possible. Basically the whole class is looking at styles and techniques of art, which wouldn't be half bad if we didn't have to hear all of three times over... Once in the reading, once in the homework, and finally all over again in the lecture. The third time through, you kind of want to throw something at the teacher just to get her to shut up.

Today we were looking at how churches were designed. I've already had a feeling that my teacher is Jesusy just from some of the language she's used in past classes, but today really took the cake.

Seriously, WHY do I have to know about all these different parts of churches? And you're going to talk about churches for AN HOUR?

Yeah, no thanks.

So yeah, I was pretty much nodding off in class as it was, but then I slowly started to feel my breathing becoming heavier and my eyes itching...

...ALLERGIES, NO!

This seems to happen every damn year. I miss summer so much during the winter, and completely forget about that little stretch of time called SPRING.

Allergies, sleepiness, AND sitting through an hour-long lecture about flying buttresses? 

Once again, no thanks.

After class I checked to see if the kiln was open (which it wasn't) so I pretty much decided that between allergies and not having anything to glaze, I'd just go home.

I took some Benadryl, passed out until 6pm, and then started PRODUCTIVITY!

Today I...

• Made a 35 minute Blood Brothers video, updating information from my previous vid and answering some viewer questions
• Put together a quick twitch.tv streaming set-up (sadly I had to scrap some of it because I made some wrong measurements)
• Streamed about an hour and a half of World of Warcraft while practicing non-stop blabbing (because you have to talk to be an interesting streamer... It's a LOT harder than it sounds)

So... I really didn't get much done today at all.

I blame allergies.

Tomorrow will be an AWESOME day however, and I say this because THE KILN OPENS!!! Nonstop glazing for 3 hours, YYYEAAAHHH!

...Don't look at me like that, it's damn fun!

Anyway, that's it for now.... Now SLEEP TIME.