Saturday, May 14, 2011

Life Musings (+ some grendels)

I forgot to post these pictures of colorful grendels.

Yes, they are pretty colors.

I've recently been thinking about how much my life has changed in the past few years... in fact, in the past month.

I remember being in high school, struggling with my schoolwork and fighting off the worst depression could throw at me... especially that feeling that I'd never amount to anything. It was a helplessness that I thought I was doomed to feel for the rest of my life.
Really, I now think that the reason why I felt so trapped and hopeless was because I was working at everybody else's pace, and not my own.

College proved that to me. I really couldn't handle college full-time. I found it impossible to balance spending time with my boyfriend, classwork, being social, and my free-time activities. Either I wasn't spending enough time together with Jon, I was neglecting my friends and roommates, I couldn't do anything enjoyable like gaming or listening to music, or I was skipping homework.
In other words, I was miserable, constantly letting someone or myself down.

Now that I'm moving through life at my own pace, I realized that I am capable of doing things... not the way people want them to be, not the way most people go through life, but I'm doing it nonetheless.
I have a job now!
Not a high-paying or well respected job, but it's a JOB.
I'm getting up in the morning, getting ready and arriving on time, and being functional again. It feels so good to know I'm capable of that, especially after all of the times I believed I could never do anything with my life at all.

I also have a fun and creative hobby of crafting, and the possibilities of what I can do are endless.
Maybe some day it could potentially become profitable, but right now I'm just happy with creating things.
I'm especially excited this weekend because I just received my needle-felting needles today, and my wool roving will most likely come in the mail on Monday.
I absolutely can't WAIT to start my hand at 3D needle-felting!

Best of all, I feel like I've attained somewhat of a balance to my life.
I have a job, which schedules out my week and gives me a source of income and accomplishment.
I have an incredible boyfriend, who gives me the continued support and confidence I need when I begin to doubt myself, or am hesitant to go forward.
I have a very supportive family, who is proud of me for the first time in a while.
And, of course, I have my creativity, which I had lost for a while and had feared was gone forever.

And when I compare that to my quality of life years ago...
...Change is good.

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