Friday, February 26, 2010

Why am I awake?

I decided to take a nice nap at around 9PM, and somehow managed to wake up at around midnight, unable to fall back asleep. Oh goodie!

Trying to fall back asleep is pointless at this point because I'm already frustrated at myself for being unable to fall back asleep... typical Maddie situation. Oh well, at least I have my laptop.
Still feeling sickly, sadly. I haven't eaten anything in almost 10 hours now. I have completely lost my appetite and I'm too scared to try to eat anything for fear of a stomach ache. Tomorrow I'm going to have a plain, yet big breakfast. Any more avoidance of food would be really unhealthy at this point... and trust me, I'm already sick, being even more unhealthy is definitely not what I'm aiming for.

You know what really scared me recently? The realization that in less than two months, I'm going to be... 20.
 Yes, 20.
I will never ever be a teenager again.
It's really a frightening thought. I do realize that I'm growing older, and with age comes responsibilities. Not that I'm implying that I'm irresponsible... I'm already trying to save up money for my future, making some cash through surveys, I'm able to stay in a committed relationship (it saddens me how many people can't even do that), I'm doing well in college...
I guess I kind of feel like my age snuck up on me out of nowhere.
Depression took away my teenage years, so the past few years barely even feel real. They're like a part of somebody else's life that someone just inserted into my own timeline. It saddens me that I'll never get that time back, but I do believe that I'm a better and wiser person because of what I went through.
Still... 20? Really? I certainly don't feel that old...
At least I'll get to spend my birthday with my favorite person in the world. Three guesses who that may be, hehe.

It's getting late... not that it wasn't late before, but it's certainly getting later. Going to try to fall back asleep now. Hopefully I'll be feeling a little less sick tomorrow!

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