Okay... so I know that lately I've been just complaining about how life sucks like a little bitch, but in all honesty I am just so fucking lonely that posting how I'm feeling is actually a semi-effective coping mechanism for me. Saying it instead of keeping it inside is like relieving pressure in a shaken soda bottle. It takes a bit of the pain away.
So now I will finally explain PART of why things have been so bad lately. Fuck, life is bad for a variety of reasons right now, but the most recent development is that Bruiser is still heartworm positive. On top of that, he's now showing up positive for a tick-borne illness.
The thing is, his heartworm injections AND monthly preventative are effective at killing both these parasites. There is absolutely no reason for these to still be in his body. This means something is either wrong with the testing equipment, which the internist said is very highly unlikely, or the worst case scenario is that Bruiser has the new, dangerous, drug-resistant "Mississippi Valley" strain of heartworm. He's from Tennessee. The chance that this is likely is... well, very high up there.
Bruiser is a 6lb chihuahua. A very small dog. This treatment has been hard enough on his little body. It's incredibly worrying, because heartworm is such a deadly disease. Google it, and check out Images. I fucking dare you.
Today he has an echocardiogram to see if the worms can actually be seen in his heart. This will determine the next course of action. The price tag on this test though? $400! Not covered by our vet plan, either.
I'm too ill to work, my art isn't selling, and I already liquidated some of my most prized possessions last time he incurred a huge vet bill. This is absolutely breaking my heart and my savings, which I have been hoarding desperately in order to help make a downpayment on a house someday.
So there. You have just the tip of the iceberg of why depression is eating away at my mind currently. I'm not being a little emo shitbag. I'm not seeking attention or even sympathy at this point.
Things just fucking suck.
Just please wish Bruiser luck today. Jon and I love and adore that little bugger, and we just want him to be okay.