I finally got DayZ: StandAlone, and it's utterly hilarious.
I'm going to share my crazy stories with you all. They're not Steam Store Review material, but hopefully it'll be worth a chuckle or two.
My first encounter was early on when I had no idea how to talk over voice chat. I was in a small shed when suddenly a guy walked right in, and I had nothing equipped but a hardhat and a fire extinguisher in my hands. We stared at each other for a second and he said, "Oh, hello!" at which point I backed up brandishing my red metal canister, and he excitedly exclaimed "WHOA! I'm friendly!" Unwilling to take a chance, I backed my way out the other door and fled as he screamed, "Uhh, okay, bye!"
It was only afterwards that I was told that Caps Lock enables talking, so I remembered that for next time.
A bit after the first incident, I was exploring a house for some goodies. I had fallen off of a ship and died, so I was playing a fairly new character. I heard something behind me and turned around to see that some guy had just entered the room, fairly more equipped than I was at the time. He exclaimed, "Friendly! Friendly!" and I backed away, screaming "DON'T LOOK AT ME, I'M HIDEOUS!" and fled out the door.
I think I thoroughly weirded him out.
A while after this on the same play-through, I was heading south on the coast hoping to run into Jon or his friend Jake. I was just about to cross a bridge over a small body of water when I encountered a newspawn in a black tee. I only had a spanner as a weapon, but at least I wasn't limited to nooblet fists of fury. He types out "friendly" at which point I sidle around him in a semi-circle suspiciously, spanner brandished. "Relax" he types, at which point I notice a woman running straight towards us literally out of nowhere. She had a kitchen knife in her hand and she immediately lunges for the newspawn, stabbing him repeatedly and not saying a word. I jump into the fray, swinging my spanner wildly in an attempt to fend off this crazy lady, but I begin bleeding and I think the newspawn accidentally hit me a few times as well. Suddenly I black out, dead from repeated stabwounds. I respawn and begin the tedious task of re-equipping myself, when Jon says he's found two bodies in the middle of the road. I look over at his laptop screen and there we are, the newspawn and I side by side. Apparently she had slaughtered the newspawn shortly after I had died.
The moral of the story is... Beware of silent crazy ladies, and don't stop in the middle of the coastal road.
My last story is one of hilarity, yet tragedy. I was a newspawn (again) and had just looted a few houses for food and water. I was running south on the coastal road in an attempt to once again meet up with Jon and Jake when out of the corner of my eye I see movement. I look behind my shoulder and see three guys fully decked out in military gear screaming for me to stop. Screaming out, "I DON'T WANNA DIEEEEE," I run as fast as my little athletic shoes will take me. I hear one of the yell out "DON'T RUN! DON'T RUN!" and I refuse to obey. A shot rings out and I'm hit, but I keep running. Another shot is fired and I fall to the ground, dead. I hear them saying things like "Stupid motherfucker," and then one guy says "I'm going to take your orange. NOMNOMNOM. Delicious."
I respawn, missing my orange.
Well, that's it for the crazy adventures on my first day of DayZ. I will continue writing up a few more silly stories and encounters as I keep playing.