I'm using Google's speech to text, so things are probably not going to be very accurate. I just don't feel like typing.
Things have been very rough today. I'm not very sure how to explain how I'm feeling right now, but I feel as if there's a strange numbing sensation from my upper arm down into my fingers. I feel like I can't fully move my hands, like they're stiff, or bit like pins and needles. It's as if my grip is not as strong as it should be, or my spacial awareness of my hands is not proper. I know that sounds very strange, but that's the only way I could possibly explain how I'm feeling at the moment. In addition to that, I feel completely despondent. Nothing I do gives me any sort of satisfaction. Nothing gives me any pleasure. Being alone has been really getting to me as well, it is so incredibly lonely being in a space that was once always occupied. I find myself crying and mourning, although I'm not sure what I'm mourning for. Am I just crying for myself? I really can't tell, and that's what's driving me crazy. I can't put my finger down on what I'm feeling, and I think a lot of it has to do with the withdrawal symptoms. I'm sure there's some depersonalization that I'm going through right now, because a part of me feels like I'm just playing pretend. That my whole life is just an act, and I'm just the actor. That I'm just saying things, and I don't feel anything. This emotional flatness is really terrible, and I wish it would stop. I just want to be able to feel something other than feeling dissatisfied with the current state of affairs.
