Sometimes You Need to Slow Down...

Last week I was dissatisfied with the amount of time I spent doing unproductive things, like grinding levels on World of Warcraft, napping, and watching TV.
I really thought that setting goals for myself and trying to work harder would help me be more productive.

You know what?
I was wrong.
Turns out that pushing myself did absolutely nothing, because I was fighting against forces that are simply unbeatable.

When Thursday came around, I managed to get significant work done in Ceramics. At the end of the day however, Jon came and picked me up and everything hit me at once. I was exhausted emotionally, physically, everything.
I was way too relieved to have a shoulder to lean on, and didn't bother doing anything. For once this week I felt like I could just let go.
Even so, the weekend nights were filled with nightmares, 4am wake-ups, and lying awake while my entire body ached. At least two nights I had to repeat my waffle adventure in the middle of the night, because my limbs and muscles hurt for no reason and I'm unable to take an Advil on an empty stomach.
(Last time I had Advil on an empty stomach, I threw up at a family friend's day-after-the-wedding party... into a garbage can right in front of the bride and groom. Not fun at all.)
I managed to spend about an hour and a half on Saturday glazing a shot glass set, but I didn't realize that the school closed at 5pm on Saturday so I had to leave early. Other than that, I didn't really do anything of any significance.

Many people don't realize that stress isn't just an uncomfortable feeling.
Stress is a monster hiding beneath an emotion... Something that affects you emotionally, physically, and mentally.
Only now do I really realize that my recent lack of productivity had nothing to do with laziness, but just me trying to cope with the immense amount of stress I'm facing right now...
...And now that my stress is starting to manifest itself in nightmares, body aches, and lack of sleep, I'm okay with not being as productive as I used to be.
I'm doing the best I can under the current circumstances I'm facing.

What could possibly be stressing out a part-time, unemployed community college student?
I'll try to list off a few causes.

• I will be in school for AT LEAST 4 MORE YEARS if I want to become a vet tech. As if that isn't stressful enough...
• I don't know which schools I'll be going to after I get my Associates of General Studies
• Only certain schools offer American Veterinary Medical Association certified degrees (one is required in most states)
• I'm graduating with my Associates of General Studies at the end of Fall 2013. Jon graduates with his Bachelors in Criminal Justice at the end of Summer 2013. What Jon is going to do during Fall 2013 while I'm finishing my degree is up in the air. If his summer internship...
• ...leads to a job, then he will need housing. My house is a zoo, and probably would not be a suitable place for him to get the rest needed for a criminal justice job. Apartments in the area are expensive as hell though.
• ...doesn't lead to a job, he'll probably have to get a different job here or in Delaware, meaning we're...
• ...either not seeing each other for about three months.
• ...back to the housing issue.
• FAMILIAL ISSUES. Nuclear family, outside family, you name it. I can't go into detail because I have to respect the privacy of my family, but basically things are absolutely maddening. I feel the need to move out, but...
• ...I'm not graduating until Fall 2013, so that's more time stuck at home
• ...Apartments here are expensive, remember?
• ...OH YEAH, I don't have a driver's license yet, so even if I wanted to get away for a DAY, I can't.
• My YouTube and Etsy aren't making money like they used to. I also don't have the time for a job without sacrificing my schoolwork. Jon doesn't have a job either. We're a young, broke couple basically.
• I've gotten attached to dog from Bully Breed Rescue, and it's saddening me horribly that I have pretty much a 0% chance of moving out in time to adopt this dog.
• I have no job and apartments are EXPENSIVE here, remember?
• He has to be an only dog, so even if by some insane miracle my parents offered to adopt the dog for me until I move out, they wouldn't be able to... because we have a dog.

To make a long story short, nothing is certain, I'm trapped in a place I no longer want to be, doing things I no longer want to do, and not doing things that I wish I could do but can't.

It's taken such a toll on me that I think it's honestly best if I just keep doing what I'm doing, because for now that's good enough. No productivity week, no goals other than just getting to school, doing my work, making a new video every time an event hits, and bringing home good grades.
It's good enough.

Frustrations

As you all know, I have a YouTube channel about iPhone gaming and other games that has taken off recently.
In addition to Etsy, it's been my only source of income. As a college student working hard to get as close to a 4.0 GPA as possible, (it's 3.86 right now, woohoo!) I can't juggle classes and a full-time job. Crafting and making a video about once a week has been helping me pay for things I otherwise wouldn't have the money for.

Like this shiny new headset! After my old one broke, I had to use a mic I dubbed "the boob microphone," because the only way I could game and use the mic was to shove it into my shirt or under a bra strap. Hilarious, but not very practical.

Thanks to my YouTube channel's success, I was able to buy myself a new headset to continue making videos and broadcasting on twitch.tv without having to lean over to talk into my boobs.

(Also saved $20 and got free shipping!)

However, YouTube has started to be a butt and rejected my monetization claims on my two latest informative videos for Rage of Bahamut and Blood Brothers. This has been extremely frustrating because according to YouTube's own policies, these videos fall under fair use.

YouTube claims that gameplay itself cannot be monetized, but when a video shows gameplay footage that is directly tied to commentary and is education/informative, it can be.

Not sure why they are having an issue with me, and that wouldn't be the worst part if it wasn't for the fact that I have NO WAY TO DISPUTE IT.

YouTube, being a part of Google, has a help section that includes everything BUT a way to contact a representative. Yep, no emails, no live messaging, no faxes, nothing. All the provide is a community forums that isn't even visited or read by YouTube employees, just some community managers with no power whatsoever.

It's frustrating and infuriating at the same time, because I've put a lot of work into these videos and have made sure to NOT monetize any videos of mine that do not fall under YouTube's guidelines. I've been operating for months now with no problems.

Oh well. Hopefully things will resolve themselves, or else I'll have to quit making videos.

A Week with TERA: Day 6

It's the second to last day of my week-long review of TERA, so let's get started!

I logged into Chumley and having done all the frivolous quests in the area, it was time to tackle the storyline quest.

I was to destroy these big, floating "vortex cores" that were being guarded by demons.

First, I had to walk through the more "evil" part of the forest...

It was a huge relief to hear the music change along with the scenery after yesterday's awkward dead body moment, which begged the question... why didn't they just put the body here? We may never know.

Time to go dismantle some vortex cores!

It just oozes with evil.

There were three cores in the area, with three "Scions of Lok" guarding each one. They were easy for Chumley to slash down, especially since they're 3 levels lower than my demon-slaying doggie. (Did I mention I'm level 15 now? Probably not.)

After destroying the last one, I got a quick cutscene.

I sense EEEEEVIL!

Oh, I angered that big guy behind me... oops.

He wasn't really that hard to beat, but the ridiculously fast respawn time killed me again. I was trying to get a creepy screencap of the altar, because there were bodies and skeletons laid out on it... and there he was, beating my ass 20 seconds after I killed him. Not cool TERA, not cool.
After telling the NPC about my kill, she just said she has never heard of a group called the Scions of Lok, and told me some dude in Lumbertown has an assignment for me.
What the heck? There's evil afoot and unknown bodies on an altar being used for some horrible ritual, and I'm told to just leave? I really don't understand these quests.
Anyway, it looks like I'm heading off to a new area... this one called the Oblivion Woods.
The local merchants have had their wares raided by Devan bandits, so off I went to retrieve the goods.

They're kind of like red elf... castanic... troll... things.

Mass slaughter of the Devans... Devas... whatever, was quite fun. It was also nice to finally be away from bright and happy Fey Forest. The music here is a lot more jungle-like, almost Yuhtunga Jungle-esque with an actiony flair, for you FFXI fans.

After getting the loot from the Devawhatevers, I returned to quite a hefty sum of experience points.

At this point I was getting a horrible headache, so I called it a night... but I took an extra screenshot just for you guys.

Beautiful willows above the Oblivion Wood's first camp. But who knows what evil they hide...

Current Impressions

Graphics: They still continue to amaze me. I really can't wait to get out of the forest and see some of the other settings.

Plot: I hate to say it, but the plot is starting to frustrate me. I don't really have any idea what is going on, and why other NPCs aren't taking anything seriously. I'm sure a lot of the game was hastily translated from Korean to English to make the release date, but c'mon, some of this just doesn't make any sense.

Combat: I forgot to get my skills, ahh! But still, combat is fun. I'm actually really beginning to want to make another character to see what the other classes are like.

Questing: Stale and somewhat annoying. They made little cutscenes for certain quests, but then don't say much when you complete the quest itself.

Crafting and Gathering: Still gathering stuff for my next crafting run. I need some more money first though... money is slow to get at early levels, it seems.

Tomorrow is my last day doing a full review! I'm sort of relieved to be honest, writing daily has been a chore. I'll be glad when it's over. Now to go grab a Tylenol and go to sleep...