Pokederp #4

We'll start this post of Pokederp with a few plushes that aren't messed up. Look at them closely, because you'll need this for comparison.

In birds, the soft, fleshy part above the beak is called the "cere." It usually has two holes, which are the bird's nostrils.

This Pokemon, Pidove, clearly has a pink cere.

Now...

Here are the offending plushes.

Chinese bootleggers don't really care about facial features, as long as they are there. Pink blobby things above the beak? Can do, and we'll attach them with one piece of pink thread. Who cares if they look like facial testicles.

How much for one of these? $8.



Where does its face end, and body begin? Honestly, who knows? This cheaply made Pikachu will put an $8 dent in your pocket, if you have a thing for awful toys, that is.

This Pokemon is Munna. Nothing wrong with this plush.

BUT...

...you see, Chinese bootleggers are greedy people. If their items are defective, they still want to sell.

This, too, is supposed to be Munna. You can see the outline of where the head-gem-thing is supposed to be, but there is nothing there. In other words, this thing is just a light pink blob with eyes.

The worst part is that these morons have the balls to ask $9 for this piece of trash. I guess they assume it'll be your next DIY project, or something.

Until next time...

Pokederp #3

Our next installment of... POKEDERP!

This is 90% BRAND NEW! Yep, you can definitely tell that this is a counterfeit item just by the fact that the seller doesn't grasp the concept of "contradictions." Furthermore, this item is really defective.

Compare with below...

 This is a REAL Giratina pluh, and the one the counterfeit above is based off of. Note that the fake is missing the headpiece on its forehead, has a strange "crack" stitched onto it's face, and its wing is twisted. It also appears that the red dots on the twisted wing are actually missing.

The listing for the fake admits that the item is defective, and claims that transportation is responsible for the defects. Yeah, more like shoddy sweatshop stitching machines.

Wouldn't you love to take this monstrosity home with you? It looks like a cheap teddybear that you win at games at a fair. It probably is. Not only that, but it's also USED! Isn't that totally worth $6 of your money?

The listing says "VINTEGE!" Just that enough makes you wary... The fact that its facial features appear drawn on with a Sharpie further makes you suspect it might just be a fake. Then the miscolored felt arms... that seals the deal. A horribly crafted fake. How much does the seller want? How does $7.50 sound?

More to come... because the derp never sleeps.

Pokederp #2

The derpiness continues...!

Does this actually have one ear, or is one folded back? You think the seller would try to make their product look as legitimate as possible, and fold that other ear back into place. (If there even IS a second ear.) I also always thought that Cabbage Patch Kids would eat me in my sleep, but perhaps I should have been more worried about what they could do to my Pokemon toys... because honestly, this must be the spawn of some indecent acts between the two. The crossed derp-eyes may be the result of incompatible genetics.

All joking aside, the seller wants $22 for this... thing. That's honestly the scariest part of all.

Speaking of horrible combinations of toys and such, am I the only one who feels this has an uncanny resemblance to Tommy from Rugrats? Maybe it's the lighting, but something just seems off about this one. Perhaps it's that strange, off-center bulge where its mouth is... or the fact that it looks like the recipient of a face transplant. (Look at the stitching on its right side, going up to the ear, and you'll see what I mean.) The diagonal stitching on the head-coin and the fact that the two pieces that make up the "whiskers" aren't glued together show its shoddy craftsmanship.

How much for this one? $26.

Poor Meowth just can't get a break.

I honestly don't know what was going through the manufacturer's head when they cleared this one for production. What on earth is up with those LIPS?! The one on the left also has a deformed head with loose fabric, making it look fat and wrinkly. All I know for sure is that if I had gotten this as a present back when the Pokemon fad was raging, I would have been horrified.

So how much is it for your own big-lipped cat thing? The one on the left will set you back a whopping $30... The one on the right, $45.

There WAS another Meowth derp, but sadly it was removed from eBay... probably for being a counterfeit piece of crap.

If I find any more, there will be a Pokederp #3... and trust me, where there are idiots, there is derp.

Pokederp, Gotta Derp Them All!

I'll admit it... I'm a dork.
A dork who still buys the latest Pokemon games.
A dork who still thinks Pokemon can be cute/cool-looking.
A dork who bids on $3 Pokemon plush toys direct from China on eBay.
A dork who has a collection that's slowly taking over the end of my bed, and spreading like a diseased rash.
But I'm a happy person, and that's what really counts, right?
...RIGHT?

Well, thought I would use my dorkiness to my advantage, and post some of the most hideous, most defective, and just overall most retarded-looking Pokemon plushes I've found while searching on eBay.
A lot of them make you wonder why the seller even bothers.
A lot of them make you wonder how the maker could ever think their product doesn't blatantly scream "knock-off."
A lot of them... well, they just make you say "WHY" in general.

So here goes! A few of the worst Pokemon plushes on eBay!

This poor, poor thing. It just looks like it's unhappy being alive... possibly begging for a merciful death. In USED condition, asking price being $11.

As if the craftsmanship alone didn't scream "I WAS MADE BY 3 YEAR OLDS IN CHINA!" ...it's PINK. Pikachu is not, and has ever, been pink. Not only that, but it looks like its legs are like... wheelchair wheels or something. I don't know. This is just wrong. Plus... it's USED! Asking price ~$10.

What is wrong with this one? Jon thinks it may be an extra chromosome. One thing's for sure, it has this one derpy eye just going off to the side there, and I'm not really sure what that crease under the eye is about. And that red squiggly thing? That's not a stray thread. That's an eyebrow. Asking price? $10.

Here's a fine example of Chinese bootleg laziness. The one on the right is what it's supposed to look like. The one on the left... the Chinese knock-off. Not only is it missing two pom-poms, but its missing a part of its hairpiece too. Guess the bootleggers didn't seem to care enough. Honestly though, how could you possibly think a fan of Pokemon wouldn't notice a missing NOSE? The most depressing part... they want ~$7 for this thing.

Trust me. There's more.
But I'll save them for tomorrow...