A Glimpse Into the Shitshow

Okay... so I know that lately I've been just complaining about how life sucks like a little bitch, but in all honesty I am just so fucking lonely that posting how I'm feeling is actually a semi-effective coping mechanism for me. Saying it instead of keeping it inside is like relieving pressure in a shaken soda bottle. It takes a bit of the pain away.

So now I will finally explain PART of why things have been so bad lately. Fuck, life is bad for a variety of reasons right now, but the most recent development is that Bruiser is still heartworm positive. On top of that, he's now showing up positive for a tick-borne illness.
The thing is, his heartworm injections AND monthly preventative are effective at killing both these parasites. There is absolutely no reason for these to still be in his body. This means something is either wrong with the testing equipment, which the internist said is very highly unlikely, or the worst case scenario is that Bruiser has the new, dangerous, drug-resistant "Mississippi Valley" strain of heartworm. He's from Tennessee. The chance that this is likely is... well, very high up there.
Bruiser is a 6lb chihuahua. A very small dog. This treatment has been hard enough on his little body. It's incredibly worrying, because heartworm is such a deadly disease. Google it, and check out Images. I fucking dare you.

Today he has an echocardiogram to see if the worms can actually be seen in his heart. This will determine the next course of action. The price tag on this test though? $400! Not covered by our vet plan, either.
I'm too ill to work, my art isn't selling, and I already liquidated some of my most prized possessions last time he incurred a huge vet bill. This is absolutely breaking my heart and my savings, which I have been hoarding desperately in order to help make a downpayment on a house someday.

So there. You have just the tip of the iceberg of why depression is eating away at my mind currently. I'm not being a little emo shitbag. I'm not seeking attention or even sympathy at this point.
Things just fucking suck.

Just please wish Bruiser luck today. Jon and I love and adore that little bugger, and we just want him to be okay.

Blarg on a Blog

Haven't really been up to anything artistic lately.

Unfortunately, I think I've been relapsing into depression, and things just aren't very appealing at the moment. I definitely haven't been playing PC games as often, haven't watched a movie in quite a long time, haven't touched any of my art stuff, and just have been a bit of an apathetic mess.

Pokemon GO has gotten kind of stale, so I don't really have much motivation to walk around anymore. Plus I have this sense of anxiety when I go outside and walk alone... I guess that's what happens when you get honked at too many times, and spoken to by strange older men. I don't feel safe. Sure, call me a pathetic fear-mongering woman all you want, but when a creepy guy walks past you and then circles back to complement your fucking boots, which REALLY aren't that special, you start feeling a bit uncomfortable. (Not to mention that our neighbor had a truck pull up next to her once, and  a few years ago a woman got kidnapped and raped about 2 minutes away from where I live.)

I've tried to force myself to work on art things, I really have. I usually just get bored and stop. I don't feel inspired or motivated. I've even tried going shopping for art supplies to try and get my creative juices flowing, and that hasn't really helped at all.

I'm not really sure what I need to do in order to fix this. I guess it's just tough to be in my position. I'm 26, I live with my parents, and I'm too much of a mess to hold down a job. I can't even spend my time on my hobbies, how the hell can I hold a job? It's so hard to feel like anything I do matters.

Speaking of being a mess, I got pretty sick this past week. I haven't been sick for a while. I've had migraines and anxiety, sure, but this was a pretty nasty sort of head cold. Thankfully I'm getting better. Maybe being able to get out of the house again will help a bit.

Another frustrating thing has been trying to explain to people that I can't attend their parties/social gatherings. Something has come up and I really just don't feel comfortable being around alcohol for the time being. How do you explain that without it sounding like an excuse, or having to explain your reasoning why? I don't have to share every particular of my life with everyone, I share enough. I just hope that nobody feels like I'm brushing them off, or am a "sober party-pooper" now.

Town of Salem (the game) Wills I've Written Up.

Name: Lychee
Role: Arsonist
Will:

I AM LYCHEE.

I HAVE A BURNING HATRED FOR OTHERS BECAUSE I NEVER BECAME A STAPLE FLAVOR IN THE UNITED STATES.

I AM SO DELICIOUS THOUGH! HAVE YOU TRIED ME? I TASTE WAY BETTER THAN THAT FREAK STRAWBERRY WHO HAS THEIR SEEDS ON THEIR OUTSIDE LIKE A DAMN SLUT. KEEP THAT COVERED, STRAWBERRY.

I WILL BURN YOU ALL.

Name: Giles Corey
Role: Veteran
Will:

HEY I'M GILES,CHECK OUT MY FILE.
I SWAM THE NILE
FOR MANY MILES;
IT WAS QUITE THE TRIAL.
THREW UP SOME BILE
ALL THE WHILE,
BUT I'M IN DENIAL,
SO I JUST SMILE.
WASH MY HANDS WITH DIAL,
AND INSTALL SOME TILE
THAT I PUT IN A PILE
WITH MY BUD KYLE
AND HIS TWIN LYLE.

Name: A Weird Puppy
Role: Amnesiac
Will:

 

Who will I be? Who will I be?

I'm king of the graveyard,

been given they key.

Almost every role is open to me!

Oh my lord, I have to pee.

Bruiser is not well again. (a rant)

Fuck people who neglect and abuse their pets.

My pup, Bruiser, had to be brought back to the vet. (His normal vet, not the emergency vet, thank goodness.)
He was peeing blood again after a long walk last week with lots of marking, so we booked an appointment. He also lost a tooth while rolling around in the grass, of all things.

Initial findings were:

• he lost a pound since his last visit, from 6.5lbs to 5.2lbs 
• his gums appeared to be pale, to which the doctor assumed he's anemic/losing blood 
• his temperature was normal 
• he has a heart murmur (which may be because of the anemia, or may be a new issue) 
• his pee is unusually yellow despite access to water at all times 
• his tooth likely fell out because of continued periodontal disease 

They did a blood draw and are doing a full blood panel and urinalysis. We'll get the blood test results back tomorrow, and we'll know whether he needs a bladder/heart ultrasound based off of these results. The doctor is also concerned that there might be something wrong with his liver.

I am fucking seething because I know that most, if not all of this, is because of his past life before he was dumped in the shelter and pulled by the rescue we adopted from. After owning him for almost a year now, we've figured out some things about him that hint at his past.

• Sometimes when you touch his ear he will yelp. Nothing is wrong with his ears. I think his previous owner used to pinch or pull his ear when he did something wrong, so he yelps preemptively in fear. 
• We think he may have lived in a hoarder house because he does things normal dogs would have to be trained to do. He is an insane acrobat. He jumps from furniture to other furniture, squeezes through small spaces, squeezes under things, nests in weird places, can climb over crazy obstacles by balancing on them... He climbed over a 3 foot tall cardboard partition by leaping up, balancing on the edge on all fours, and leaping off. It was impressive. 
• He's terrified of sinks. He obviously had bad bathing experiences. I tried to help this by bathing him in the tub, but he hates it. It's a necessary evil. 
• His teeth were so bad when we got him, that he must have either been eating human food scraps, the worst dog food on the market, who heck knows what. He needed a full teeth cleaning and 5 teeth pulled. I know bad food also affects organ function, so... Yeah... 
• When we got him he hadn't been washed, and he was COVERED IN FLEA DIRT. Flea dirt is basically flea shit, which is basically blood. The water ran red when I bathed him for the first time. He was also underweight and had to be on puppy food for a while. 

SO FUCK YOU, PAST OWNER. Bruiser is the fucking sweetest dog, and you fucked him over. Now we have to pay to make his life manageable. But you know what? We will pay what it takes, because we love Bruiser. We love him so damn much. We will try our best to undo the damage you've done to his tiny body.

A shoutout to one of my favorite blogs: Kaiju Korner

Today I just have to make a brief shout-out to one of my favorite blogs...

Kaiju Korner!

Basically, there is no other blog like this on the net.

Andy, the owner of the blog, makes sure to photograph and attend toy festivals in Japan so those of us overseas can see the new releases and general amazingness that these festivals have to offer.

He also does write-ups on various aspects of Japanese culture, from vintage toys and memorabilia to modern customs and more!

If you want to take a peek into the world of kaiju, sofubi, and Japanese madness, please take a visit

by clicking here!
Or by just visiting kaijukorner.blogspot.com