Blarg on a Blog

Haven't really been up to anything artistic lately.

Unfortunately, I think I've been relapsing into depression, and things just aren't very appealing at the moment. I definitely haven't been playing PC games as often, haven't watched a movie in quite a long time, haven't touched any of my art stuff, and just have been a bit of an apathetic mess.

Pokemon GO has gotten kind of stale, so I don't really have much motivation to walk around anymore. Plus I have this sense of anxiety when I go outside and walk alone... I guess that's what happens when you get honked at too many times, and spoken to by strange older men. I don't feel safe. Sure, call me a pathetic fear-mongering woman all you want, but when a creepy guy walks past you and then circles back to complement your fucking boots, which REALLY aren't that special, you start feeling a bit uncomfortable. (Not to mention that our neighbor had a truck pull up next to her once, and  a few years ago a woman got kidnapped and raped about 2 minutes away from where I live.)

I've tried to force myself to work on art things, I really have. I usually just get bored and stop. I don't feel inspired or motivated. I've even tried going shopping for art supplies to try and get my creative juices flowing, and that hasn't really helped at all.

I'm not really sure what I need to do in order to fix this. I guess it's just tough to be in my position. I'm 26, I live with my parents, and I'm too much of a mess to hold down a job. I can't even spend my time on my hobbies, how the hell can I hold a job? It's so hard to feel like anything I do matters.

Speaking of being a mess, I got pretty sick this past week. I haven't been sick for a while. I've had migraines and anxiety, sure, but this was a pretty nasty sort of head cold. Thankfully I'm getting better. Maybe being able to get out of the house again will help a bit.

Another frustrating thing has been trying to explain to people that I can't attend their parties/social gatherings. Something has come up and I really just don't feel comfortable being around alcohol for the time being. How do you explain that without it sounding like an excuse, or having to explain your reasoning why? I don't have to share every particular of my life with everyone, I share enough. I just hope that nobody feels like I'm brushing them off, or am a "sober party-pooper" now.